Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Out, Out Brief Candle

"The body is a damn hard thing to kill" - Anne Sexton

I hope, for my sake, that this sentiment is true. I had another biopsy today and it was every bit as annoying as the one I had 3 months ago. And now comes the fun part: the wait. There really is nothing like waiting to hear whether or not you have cancer. I keep having these dreams, nightmares really, that I am dying the same death as Amy. It is the first time in my life that I'm having dreams that make any sense at all, dreams that are clear and obvious. If I do die a similar death, at least I know what to expect. Maybe that's what dreams do - they prepare us. Watching Amy die gave me a perspective on what it looks like. But dreaming about dying helps me know what it will feel like. It's creepy, I know. I just can't help but thinking that I'm not long for this world. Some candles are met to be blown out early.

"Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing" - William Shakespeare

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