Whine and Cheese

I was thinking today about the time Amy and I went to Chester County to visit the wineries. It was right after Liv was born and I needed a day out and away from all the demands of having a newborn. It was about this time of year because the leaves were really starting to change and it was a bit crisp outside (Like a normal October should be). I know its sounds cheesy, but it was really a magical day. We felt alive and happy and just so comfortable being together, as we always have been. The wine helped. It was Amy in classic form: chatting it up with the winesellers and co-tasters, asking for more cheese samples, even though you're only supposed to get one. We ended up at this really great place called Va La Vineyards. We sat in an enclosed porch with all this artwork overlooking the vineyard drinking wine and being sisters. I'll never get that back. I'll never know what that feels like to be there, with her, and completely okay with the world. And it makes me sick to my stomach. And sometimes I can't breathe. Its so unfair how happy memories can become so horrifying. How thinking of her and her wonderful life can make me cry. I don't even know why I wrote this because nobody cares about it but me.