Saturday, October 6, 2007

Possible Situation

I don't know what is wrong with me lately. I am usually so hateful and cynical. I always find things to get on my nerves, people to complain about, situations to analyze and bitch about to anyone who will listen. But lately, I've been numb and its bleeding into every aspect of me. I feel as though I can't get passionate about anything, and I need that to get good and angry and ....I don't know, comical?

I always find my anger and hatred turn into something I can laugh at. Something amusing. I experience, I analyze, I get fucking pissed, and then I discuss. And I get it out of me. Like a life bulimic or something...I purge all these nasty thoughts and feelings with a diatribe of hyperbolic nonsense (i.e. I want to light old people on fire, etc ). But now, there is just a big vat of nothing...I'm even being nice to people. Don't worry, its nothing crazy. Just letting a car get in front of me, picking up shit that someone dropped in line, telling a woman her ugly baby is cute. I mean its not CPR or returning lost money or anything. But even so, its disturbing. I even said "hello" to a stranger today. What is WRONG with me? Guys, I'm scared. If I go visit my grandmother, it's game over and you know it.

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