My husband has pulled ahead in the kidney stone contest. So basically the score is three to two. Pretty impressive work to form a 5mm stone in just 6 months time. Of course, this meant that I spent a good five hours in the ER yesterday morning. He's my husband. I love him dearly so I really don't mind sitting by his side while he squeezes my hand to keep from screaming at the ripping, nauseating agony of a jagged piece of gravel making it's leisurely way down his ureter. What I do mind is watching him receive delicious IV pain medication without receiving any of my own. That is real torture.
This chipper ER tech evaluated Todd in the Triage room. He was so chipper, in fact, that he whistled as he walked us to our sad, little ER room. I didn't recognize the song, but it was for sure a happy little ditty. Now there may be a time and a place for whistling, but I am pretty sure an ER is not one of those places. People are having a time, possibly the worst day of their miserable lives, with various tubes placed in orifices, perhaps bleeding to death or shitting themselves or going insane or recovering from a gun shut wound. This moron's whistling felt pretty disgusting. It reminded me of all my readers who commented about whistling people giving them the stabby feelings. And suddenly I started getting stabby feelings of my own towards this whistler. Fuck you, fucking whistler. Stop being so fucking happy in a terrible, terrible place.
What makes me feel more stabby is the fact that the stupid ER doctor prescribed my husband only twelve 5 mg percocet with which to continue this torture at home. Umm, 5mg percocet? Really, asshole? Those things are like fucking tic-tacs. While he's in the ER he's treated with the strongest narcotics to control his pain. Then when his pain is under control with the strongest narcotics they send him home with fucking tic-tacs? What the fuck kind of sense does that make?
So now Todd is trying to give birth to his third stone. God bless him. But I tell you what - There's no way I'm losing this contest. I'm working on my 3rd stone as we speak. It's going to be a good one.
2 days ago
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Sweet sweet IV painkillers, ahhhh, good times. Not quite worth the pain and bother of the er but a good consolation prize. Hope it passes without any problem.
ReplyDeleteI probably shouldn't have started reading this while eating lunch.
ReplyDeleteI probably should have stopped after the words "kidney stone", but I didn't.
I'm with SciFi. I've never had a stone, knock wood, and I wouldn't wish one on my worst enemy.
ReplyDeleteHold his hand tightly . . .
I've never had a kidney stone, either (knock on particle board (it's all I have) ). But the mere thought of attempting to pass a hunk of gravel makes my urethra spasm in sympathy. Ugh. Good thoughts to Todd.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know kidney stones could be sexually transmitted.
ReplyDeleteYTD - Apparently my husband and I have found a way! We're innovative like that.
ReplyDeleteLil - They suck to have except for the pain meds.
Cheek of God - I'm a pretty good hand holder when I have to be. Both literally and figuratively.
Sci Fi Dad - Never read my blog before lunch. You just never know.
Formerly fun - It sucks to be in the ER without pain meds, you know? If I have to be there I want to be good and fucked up, you know? Oh well. You win some, you lose some. Maybe next time I'll be the one with the IV.
Oy vey, that description of the stone passing. Poor Todd. And you? You trying to win the most painful contest (almost) ever. Ugh!
ReplyDeleteOK, I'll be the one to ask.
ReplyDeleteWhat the fuck goes on in your house that everyone there gets kidney stones? Did I miss something?
Mongolian Girl - Funny, how I'm willing to lose at almost everything in life, and yet not this, most stupid, thing. I'm an enigma.
ReplyDeleteGinny - Ha. I'm sure it's just a coincidence. Kidney stones are fairly common in the general population. And I started getting kidney stones in my mid-20's. Todd had his first one last year at 32.
I really could've used an some IV goodness earlier today...probably could've stuck that vein myself. Hope he's feeling better.
ReplyDeleteWhat are the two of you eating?
ReplyDeleteHere's what can cause more kidney stones (though some are more prone to them than others):
ReplyDeleteCaffeine + Calcium/Dairy.
At least that's what they told me.
I drink tea all day. I eat pretty much nothing but cheese. And potatoes. And potatoes with cheese.
Hence, kidney stones. They suck. Big, fat, hairy cajones.
have you ever seen the episode in Deadwood when Swearengen has to pass a kidney stone?
ReplyDeletepriceless
As far as I know, I've never had a kidney stone. As far as I know, no one in my family has ever had kidney stones. Small favors. Instead of kidney stones we get diabetes, high blood pressure, cardiac arrests, varying forms of cancer, depression, alcoholism, and really nasty hangnails.
ReplyDeleteFor whatever that's worth...
Here in Franklin - I'm sorry you had an "I need IV pain medication day". I hope today is better!
ReplyDeleteMagpie - I don't know! I think we're pretty normal.
Domestic Goddess - The stones I make are calcium oxalate. The doctor gave me this big list of foods high in oxalate to avoid but it's so hard to remember all of them. My urologist said I shouldn't avoid foods high in calcium because they're good for your bones :) I'm sorry you're in the kidney stone club :) Oh and I love potatoes with cheese too!
Nurse Myra - I loved Deadwood. And those scenes where he passed the stone? Brutal.
Pos - Yeah, as far as ailments go, kidney stones aren't the worse. They may be painful, but they're not fatal and aren't chronic. (Well usually aren't chronic. My husband seems to be the exception to that.)
ReplyDeleteMy cat had calcium oxalate stones in her bladder. So she can totally sympathize. :)
ReplyDeleteJodiB - For real? Or are you just fucking with me?
ReplyDeleteI've never had a stone, but I've taken care of MANY who have had them and none of the patients' seemed happy about it. A woman who has had kids said it was way worse than labor. That was all I needed to hear.
ReplyDeleteI hope everything comes out soon. That doc needs to be kicked in the tackle for not giving him more shit to control his pain.
Jesus Christ, not a contest I would want to be involved in. Here's hoping both of you decide to call it a day before too long.
ReplyDeleteJust out of curiosity, any idea about the source of all these stones? What are y'all eating?
ReplyDeleteOuch! I hope he's feeling better. I remember when my dad passed his first one. It was the day of the FSU/Florida game and he had tickets but of course couldn't go 'cause he was stuck at the ER. My mom went out and bought him a little mini TV so he could watch the game in agony.
ReplyDelete