Sunday, June 28, 2009

Apparently I Really Am a Monster

***I have a bad habit of posting something, then taking it down right after because I worry about how it will be received. Also, I don't want to "beat a dead horse" with this issue, or for my readers to feel obligated to comment because I'm having a bit of a time with a person who may or may not be a troll. It's back up now, to stay.***

According to "Anonymous", anyway. I know I probably shouldn't indulge this person, but I feel compelled for some reason.

Ponder this gem of a comment left on my blog yesterday:

I would never, EVER, spank my child. I have to wonder if you and the other
mothers who hit their kids would mind if your husbands smacked you too if they
felt you were out of order. Why is it illegal to smack a spouse, but not a
child? And just because people used to do it in the past means nothing. Slavery
was once the norm too, but should we still be running around now shackling every negro we see? Some things should change. And if you can't control your child
without hitting them, you have very little imagination. I suppose for you and
the other moms on here it's a "do as I say, not as I do" approach as you're all
obviously the lazy and unintellectual lumpen (you may have to look that word
up), but it's completely, totally and utterly illogical and, frankly, now that I
know you spank your kids I will never read your blog again as you disgust me. A
pox upon your house and those of your moronic, hillbilly, white trash

My reply:

Anonymous - Interesting perspective. Truth be told, I wouldn't want a person
who wishes a "pox upon [my] house]" to read my blog anyway. It makes me curious that you should condemn me for a brand of discipline (which I use very rarely), while you feel comfortable wishing a viral disease upon my family and friends. I think it's moronic to compare the enslavement of human beings to a mild smack upon the rear of a recalcitrant child. It seems quite a leap in logic there. I
am not a perfect parent, nor do I claim to be.

Now I'm a pretty open and reasonable individual. I do not mind being challenged or questioned on my belief systems or behaviors. I invite lively debate on important issues. I am very willing to work to change my belief systems and behaviors if I am convinced to do so by a compelling, logical argument. But it is very difficult for me to open my mind to the reasonings of an individual who:

1. Fails to identify him or herself but instead hides under the veil of "Anonymous"
2. Uses a word like "negro", that really has no place in our modern vernacular
3. Compares the actions of a loving (though admittedly imperfect) parent to the brutal enslavement of human beings
4. Creepily wishes a viral disease upon my home at the end of his/her argument.

The opening of the comment was fine and definitely food for thought. It makes no difference to me whether or not "Anonymous" would never, EVER, spank his/her child. I gather he/she feels quite pleased with him/herself about that. Of course, I would not accept a "smack" from my husband. [Well, I would just not in the context of discipline ; )] Using this as an argument against, again mild, corporal punishment of children is nonsensical. I wouldn't accept a time-out or denial of privileges from my husband either, but I would be perfectly comfortable imposing those sanctions on my child as consequences for her misbehavior. I am not a child. I am an adult woman. There are a lot of ways we handle and control children that we wouldn't other adults. There are many restrictions we impose on children that would be considered abuse to impose on other adults and rightly so. Children need loving external discipline and authority from their parents in order to learn how to impose internal discipline when they are grown. I believe Democracy to be the most superior form of government for adults. Is it cruel, then, that my home is not a democracy? Children do not have the same rights and privileges as adults because they are not fully developed and require special protection. A smack we deliver to another adult is not the same thing as a smack we deliver to a child. It means something entirely different.

If my child runs into the street despite my having told her not to, I will attempt to discipline her by way of explaining exactly why her behavior is dangerous. I will explain a consequence if she does it again. If she insists on doing it again, I will carry out the consequence. Some children do not always respond to time-outs. Some children do not always respond to loss of privileges. My daughter is one of those children. Maybe, the commenter is correct in saying I lack imagination. I guess I'm not as perfect and wonderful a parent as he/she is. That is regrettable. But my number 1 goal, at the end of the day, is to keep my child alive, to protect her from all of the things in the world that can hurt her. If the only thing that keeps my daughter from running into the street is a mild smack to her posterior, then I will do that. It is not about laziness. It is not malicious. It is not something I like to do. There are worse things in life than a temporary sting. I don't like to force my child to submit to the painful sting of a needle for her vaccinations, but I do it. The temporary sting of a needle could save her life one day.

I never claimed to be intellectual or imaginative. I am human, with all the weaknesses and failings that come of being so. It does make me cry to think that there is someone out there who thinks I am so contemptible, so "lumpen". Yes, I did have to look that up because I am that unintelligent as to not know the meaning of the word. Here is what it means:

Of or relating to dispossessed, often displaced people who have been cut off from the socioeconomic class with which they would ordinarily be identified: lumpen intellectuals unable to find work in their fields.
Of or relating to the lumpenproletariat.
Vulgar or common; plebeian:

I suppose "Anonymous" is right on the money in referring to me as such. I am common, plebeian, dispossessed, and capable of vulgarities. I take offense, not for myself, but at the implication that my "friends" can, in any way, shape or form, be put into such a category, or called derogatory names like "white-trash, hillbilly, or moronic". You may judge me all you like only leave the people I love and respect out of the blanket condemnation.

I will lay my head upon the pillow tonight, and it will be a million pounds heavier, full of all the guilt and self-loathing that comes of realizing that I have failed my daughter in ways I can't understand. I only know that I love her, with every bone, breath, sinew, and muscle inside of me. I would lay my body on a bed of daggers, I would hurl myself into dark waters full of man-eating creatures, I would burn alive for all eternity fully conscious and writhing in agony, just to keep her her tiny chest rising and falling with living breaths, her fragile heart thudding rhythmically inside of her. Did you know that monsters were capable of loving like that?


  1. We all hold different views and are a product of our own unique experience. It's sad that we can't disagree on things without tearing our clothes and running to get our pitchforks. It must be really boring for anonymous to only surround him/herself with people who agree with him/her all of the time.
    When I write, I like to use a lot of humor and hyperbole. If people take me literally, well, their lack of imagination and wit is their problem.
    Also, I torment myself enough in real life about what people think, right?

  2. Jeezy Chreezy...Aren't you hard enough on yourself (as all parents are) that you can allow one fucktard to make your burden that much the heavier?

    Rule #1 of blogging: Don't feed the trolls.
    Rule #2 of blogging: reading is optional, if people don't like it, they can bugger off.

    peace out.

    plus, I like to be spanked.

    ha ha ha ha

  3. Wow Gwen you have your 1st hater. You must be getting quite popular.

    I think you have a unique way of going against the norm and challenging people to look at things from a different perspective. This is not a bad thing and it makes your blog an interesting one to read. It is also not something everyone can handle. Not everything is black and white. Sometimes what is right is somewhere in the middle. I think you have conveyed this beautifully. But honestly Gwen when you get nasty comments I would just delete them and forget them.

  4. Whatever, someone leaves me nasty comment and I'm going to say something.

    Call a dick a dick.

    And you, Gwen, are someone I feel is much more credible as a human being than an anonymous self-important commenter with a fucking God complex.

    So, to the anonymous commenter: I'm sorry you unjustifiably feel that you are better than people. How fucked up must your parents have been, to infuse you with such a back-ass superiority neurosis, where you disagree with someone and immediately attack rather than trying to see from their point of view? I feel sorry for your children, if you have any. You, my not-friend, are the type of person that reacts out of fear, not logic, and you probably hate Muslims and the gays because they are "different."

    Now, anonymous, how do you feel about the unnecessary, uneducated assumptions I just made about you? Stupid bitch.

  5. I'm white trash and hillbilly, but that doesn't necessarily equate to moronic.

    Try that one on for size, anonymous, you pathetic puny spineless weakling of a cum swilling buffoon.

  6. This bitch needs a good Ken raping followed by some ass kickery.

    A pox upon your house?

    What the fuck is this? Romeo and Juliet?

    Well, I'm off to spank my children now.

    Where art thou children?? I need to lay a beatdown upon thee!

  7. I guess the notion of being open, intelligent and articulate strikes fear in the hearts of morons everywhere. Whenever you get comments like that, just delete the fucking things. They aren't worth a minute's thought.

  8. If I had children, I would spank them just for spite and solidarity.

    I'm kidding. Mostly.

    Thanks for putting this back up. I thought it was really well done.

  9. Gwen, don't ever ever feel bad about yourself. Because there only so many people in the world who can take something ugly and hateful and make it beautiful.

  10. you are a good mama, and that is one cowardly anonymous poster.

  11. First of all, you don't have to justify yourself to some sanctimonious 'anonymous' commentator. Fuck her. You do what you need to do as a parent and sometimes a smack on the ass is what needs to be done, especially when kids are of a certain age that words don't matter. No one is talking about beating the shit out of kids with a belt or something. Christ I'm sick of people on the internet.

  12. Well said Gwen and funny. Uhm, yeah, wishing a pox on someone is more than a little creepy. I remember when I got my first trolly comment. I had written a post where I called a woman who had bought a $20,000 Birkin Bag, out of touch with reality. It freaked me out at first the back and forth but I think some people just like to be "controversial". She certainly wouldn't get the same reaction just saying hey, maybe you shouldn't spank your kids, here's some alternatives.

    Also, I think spanking is generally ineffective as a discipline tool but it does get their attention used sparingly. When the kids are starting to get sassy, I tell them to watchout because my spanking hand is getting itchy.