Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Strange Beauty

I am going to admit something to you now that will disappoint you. Here is my pathetic little confession: I watch America's Next Top Model. I know. I KNOW. Shut up. What I love the most are the photo shoots and the different outfits and crazy makeup. And the drama is also very entertaining. I'm not a fashionista myself. I am so the opposite of a fashion model. I don't have the physique of a stick insect and the height of a redwood tree. Yet, I'm oddly fascinated by woman that do. I try to imagine what it would be like to have that beauty, that power. What it would be like to live in those bodies. Some of them remind me of praying mantises. That's a compliment.

I don't have expensive clothes and am sadly devoid of a fashion sense. Most days I'm lucky to find the emotional strength to put some sort of clothes on that aren't pajama-like. I guess maybe it's like a chronic depression. I don't know. It's just so deeply ingrained now. Sometimes I wish I looked good in great clothes. Some woman just have these bodies that look great in everything. And I'm not just talking about skinny women. I know plenty of woman, some super skinny, some a little heavy, that can wear the fuck out of an "outfit". I don't know how to put outfits together. I worked at Express in high school and I guess I knew how to do it then. Not anymore. I'm really, really okay with that.

When I hear about people spending a thousand dollars on a pair of shoes or a handbag, I think I have a tiny brain aneurysm. The only expensive item I own is a Prada purse that my husband bought for me in Hawaii because he felt bad for snapping me with a wet towel and giving me a huge bruise on my ass. I barely use that purse because I don't want to hurt it in anyway. So I have a $600 purse that I can't use because it was $600. Do you understand?

After watching America's Next Top Model tonight I realize just how much I adore strange beauty. Weird freaky beauty. Here is my favorite contender, I think of all time, on this show. Her name is Allison Harvard.

How amazingly, strangely beautiful is this creature?

She reminds me of one of those 70's pictures of those creepy kids and their huge weepy eyes.

Here's another oddball that is beautiful to me, Celia:

So I'm going to be rooting for these girls. And not rooting for Sandra, because she constantly talks about how great and beautiful she is (and she is) but so far she's a crappy model. I'm glad she got a dose of humility for being in the bottom 2. Okay I'm done acting like a 15 year old girl. Every once in a while it's good to regress.


  1. I can't get past "I watch America's Next Top Model".

  2. Sandi - I completely understand. It's a source of shame for me. But I am a crack addict going back to the crack den for one more fix.

  3. oh Gwen. You dress good and you know it. Now go throw up or something.

  4. I'm with you. I don't know why, but I'm compelled to watch that show. Even though I know that when a girl wins, she doesn't, really. Because after they win, they just sort of...go away...

  5. It could be worse. You could, like me, be obsessed with the pageant shows that are out right now. I now want to perfect these "facials" that 8-year-olds can do. I might practice at home in the mirror.

    I have problems.

    Also, in terms of fashion, I was in a rut for several years. My wardrobe consisted of various dark pants/jeans and solid color tops. I got so bored with myself because I really do love fashion. My solution? What Not to Wear. Seriously. It worked.

  6. Alisha - you really believe that? Because I honestly don't. I recycle the same clothes over and over. And I will go throw up right now, thank you very much. I had a bit too much dinner.

    Praying to Darwin - You're so right. I don't know why these chicks get all in a tizzy to "win" the big prize. Maybe it's the $100,000. Actually, that would get me in a tizzy.

    Gypsy - Did you actually go on What Not To Wear? Because I've been secretly dying to do that for years but am sort of afraid of the abject humiliation. Seriously, they would rip me apart. Ugly clothes, ill-fitting. But to get all those great fashion tips from Clinton (swoon) and Stacy (Love her!) would be awesome and the free great wardrobe. I love that show because they don't try to change who you are. Like they don't say, "You need to lose weight to look good." They just dress you in the most fabulous clothes that look great on your body. I love how they make people who aren't tradionally pretty feel beautiful. Ok, I'm going to stop because I'm running on, aren't I? Thanks for the comments. They are always so appreciated. Especially when I write lame blogs like this one.

  7. LMAO because I just read your comment on my Real Housewives post. Truth is, I watched ANTM before Real Housewives. My husband just shakes his head. I have a niece with an ANTM body--and I still love her. Seriously, she's 6 ft, blonde, etc. I took her to Paris for her college graduation present. Waiters fell over themselves to serve us. It was hysterical. For the record, I think that girl with the big 'fro is the one to beat this year. But Danielle will always be my fave.

  8. Seriously?

    That first one looks like a heroin addict.

    Maybe a dead heroin addict.

  9. I fucking love that show. I mean I FUCKING LOVE IT. I watch re-runs every weekend. What I like most is how the camera seems to transform these odd looking women into something amazingly beautiful. I like the pictures at the end. That's my favorite part.

    And, I give you this:

    It's just as fascinating to read about as to watch. more, even.

  10. HIF- Ummm, would you be my aunt? I know it's like totally impossible and I'm not 6 ft tall and modelly looking but, damn, would I love to go to Paris! Truth be told - I love hanging out with beautiful people. I love being a hanger-on to the attention they get. It's like being with a celebrity. As far as Top Model, yeah, Aminat is amazing. She will probably win. The only season of top model I didn't see was the Danielle one.

    WRH - I do know what you mean. I can't help it though. I love Allison's eyes. They are lemur-like and perfectly round. I've just never seen anything like her face before. Her body? eh. Too skinny, for sure. But she looks like she has a little more weight on her in the show. In fact, I think she is recovered from anorexia so that would explain the extreme thinness of her in the pics I posted. I don't think "too thin" is beautiful anymore. But some women are naturally thin so I wouldn't say it's ugly. Healthy is what's beautiful. And happy. Thanks for the comment though. You are the divine Well Read Hostess and I always welcome your comments on my blog :)

    Love Bites - Wow. That elysesewell journal is amazing. I've been reading for the past hour and I'm just mesmerized by this woman. I think I'm in love with her. Thanks for the link. Also, the photos at the end are my favorite too!

  11. When I was growing up it became obvious I was going to have a gab inbetween my front teeth. My parents made me have surgery to get rid of it. I still think a gap inbetween a woman's front teeth is one of the sexiest things ever. Strange? Maybe. Beautiful? Absolutely.

  12. My friend Brandi has a gap between her teeth and she's beautiful, just beautiful. She told me her mom never got it "fixed" because it "built character" to have flaws. I think my daughter might end up having a gap between her two front teeth because she has something called like a frenulum, which is a flap of skin between them. I hope she does because I think they are adorable.

  13. Allison Harvard = Beautiful Freak, all grown up.