Thursday, November 15, 2007

So Lovely, So Lost

Is it just me or is the world freaking gorgeous right now? I can't believe my eyes. I see this vibrant speckle of dying trees, stretched out like so many lonely bonfires on the horizon. Wet with rain, everything is shiny and melting together and it takes my breath away at every turn. Why is Amy not here to see this most amazing of seasons? I'd like to believe she is orchestrating all of this loveliness, painting it like a private canvas in her heaven. Maybe she finally got to take those art classes she was always planning on taking and this is her final assignment. A-, I say. I'm docking her grade for dreariness. Its a bit much with the gloom today, Ame.

I miss saying that: "Ame", "Amesters" corny, I know. I miss hearing "Stray Cat Strut" playing on my phone when she called me. I miss teasing her about being a cat lady. I miss being in love with Fall with her. We were always so excited together in Autumn, anticipating the holidays, picking out pumpkins, and baking. She was always baking. I think about all of her things, sitting idle in my father's attic.

Autumn is a dying season. But it never used to feel that way. Now it is hard to pretend it is anything else. I saw a sole leaf helicopter to the ground on it's final journey the other day. It made me cry too many tears than is natural. It is a funeral world, and you know it. Everything beautiful is almost gone, always teetering on the brink of extinction. This breath-taking blush of trees is ephemeral, each one poised to die a deciduous death. Nothing good ever lasts.

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