Thursday, July 2, 2009

More to Hate

I don't know how to feel about that stupid new reality show "More to Love". Actually I do. It's a familiar feeling. Hatred. Like I could murder a TV executive with my bare hands and feel all justified. Dexter-style. I have a code.

Let's play a little game. Remember those Highlights for Kids magazines that used to be in every doctor's office when we were little? I always loved those pictures with normal landscapes or domestic scenes and I had to look closely to find everything that was wrong or nonsensical in the picture. This game is a little like that. Read the following description of the show, More to Love, that I found on and try to find all the things in it that are terribly, terribly wrong:

New Dating Series Executive-Produced by Reality Czar Mike Fleiss

FOX is setting out to prove that love comes in all shapes and sizes with the new inspirational dating competition series MORE TO LOVE. Executive-produced by Mike Fleiss ("The Bachelor," "The Bachelorette"), the unscripted series follows a single average guy with a big waist and an even bigger heart as he romances several confident and secure plus-size women. Each week, the husky hunk will wine and dine a group of curvy women to determine if they have more love to give or if they are truly more than he can handle. When the size of competition narrows, he will have to decide if one full-figured lady will become his true love.

"This is a dating show that sends the right message about embracing and loving yourself no matter your shape or size," said executive producer Mike Fleiss. "When you are comfortable with your own body, you can really allow yourself to be open to the possibility of finding the right person to love."
1. Weight puns. I counted six at least. We get it. The man is large and the women are large. Maybe there might be something else about these people worth mentioning?
2. Reality czar? Really? Does he really want to take dictatorial responsibility for the vat of excrement that is reality television?

3. Do we really need proof that love comes in all shapes and sizes? What kind of an asshole is skeptical about that? It's not a theory that all types of people need and deserve love. And I sure as hell do not need FOX to deliver this lesson to the masses. (Oh my god. That wasn't a pun. Or maybe it was. Maybe that shit is contagious like small pox).

4. "Inspirational dating competition." That's an oxymoron if I ever heard one. The only thing dating competitions inspire in me is nauseous disgust. In fact, I keep an episode of The Bachelor on my DVR just in case I ate something I shouldn't and I have a hard time throwing it up. It works like a charm. 20 desperate whores, an asshole, and contrived, romantic sexual encounters makes for "Bye Bye Ice Cream".
5. "More to Love"? What the fuck does that even mean? What if someone is overweight and a total bitch (like me?) Is that More to Hate? Don't answer that.

6. "An average guy." How is he average exactly? He has a "big waist and an even bigger heart". Wouldn't that make him not average?

7. "Romances several...women." Romances? I don't know how romantic it is to date 20 women at the same time. Where I'm from that's called...typical male behavior. Romantic is kind of a stretch.'s the roses he gives out to the women who kiss his ass enough (figuratively and no doubt literally) throughout the course of the episode. That makes it romantic.

8. "This is a dating show that sends the right message about embracing and loving yourself no matter your shape or size." I'm so happy that Mike Fleiss is sending "full-figured" men and women everywhere the message that it's OK to love their own bodies. How generous and fucking revolutionary of him!

9. Thanks Mike Fleiss for letting full figured women everywhere know that one day we can feel comfortable enough with our bodies to go on a reality TV show where we can degrade ourselves, fight over an "average" guy, and be mocked with ridiculous puns about our weight.

Well, there's nine terrible, terrible things that I could find off the top of my head. The whole concept of the show is disturbing to me. Have you seen the commercial? It's so fucking condescending. Like, "awwww. Heavy-set women looking for love. Isn't that cute?" The announcer's tone is so earnest and patronizing. He might as well be talking about contestants in The Special Olympics. Czar Mike Fleiss claims above that the plus-size women contestants are confident and secure. I'm not really getting that impression through all the tears. The women are actually lovely, don't get me wrong. But the fact that they would go on this show in the first place makes me think they no likey themselves all that much. I feel the same way about all these dating shows. Why would a woman degrade herself like that? You all know that I hate myself, that I have spit at my own face in the mirror, and subjected my body to countless tortures. And yet even I, a person who probably deserves that shit more than any of those women, wouldn't put myself through that kind of emotional agony.

I keep seeing the commercials for this show and every time one comes on TV I get a nauseous pit in my stomach and have to go throw up. I'm going to be so skinny by the time this show goes on the air. Oh no! If I get too skinny then maybe I won't be "REAL" anymore. Right? Isn't that what the commercial keeps telling me? This is what a "real" woman looks like? Full-figured, big ass, big boobs. All those skinny bitches just aren't real. Not according to Czar Mike Fleiss anyway. He gets to decide, you see. Czar Mike Fleiss deserves a fatal blow to the head with a blunt object, if you must know. It's in the code.


  1. I detest reality shows. All of them. I am completely at a loss as to why anyone watches any of them. Ever. I think being made to watch them should be a clear violation of the 8th Amendment. And yet damn-near every person I know watches them voluntarily. This boggles my ever-lovin' mind.

    Having said that, this show seems particularly loathsome. Every time I think reality TV cannot sink any lower ... they pull out the fucking shovels.

    I want to blame the assholes who think these things up. I really do. But I can't. Because every-freaking-body Keeps. Watching. Them. So, when you are done with that blunt object over at Fleiss' crib, I might need to borrow it 30 million times, mmm'kay?

  2. My wife is a huge Bachelor/Bachelorette fan, so I'm hoping she doesn't discover this show.

    I agree with you: the presentation is overly condescending. I get it: this is "Fat Bachelor", but that doesn't make Mike Fleiss some wonderful man for "allowing" them to have a show.

  3. 1. The Bachelor kind of shows are demeaning anyway (okay, so I've watched a few episodes-- I'm not made of steel, woman!)

    2. It wouldn't be so sleazy if they were just having these people on the show as people. Instead they are totally treating them like freaks-- look at the fat people America! Do you see the fat people kissing? Aw, look--fat love.

  4. OMGWTFBBQ? I hate shows like this. So shallow and petty. Sooooooo much about the wrong thing, that's for sure.

  5. That's why I only watch high class reality shows like the Real Housewives of New Jersey. :)

  6. This was one of the funniest things i've read in a while.

    Thank you!

    Almost everything sucks that comes out nowadays. Business has taken over art, and the two should rarely meet.

    Film, TV, Music.... crap after more crap.

    I'm so disheartened about it.

  7. I love the Special Olympics analogy.

    I don't watch reality tv, so I wouldn't watch this show anyway, and I have not seen it advertised. Guess that means I don't watch much Fox. So be it.

    What struck me about the description of the show was the segregation aspect. Like, just because he's overweight, why are all the women overweight too? Is it, like, fat people should only hook up with fat people? Seems a bit unfair. And sizist.

  8. That's almost as bad as that midget dating reality show that came on a while back. I can't even remember what the name was anymore, but it was fucking hilarous.

    I haven't heard anything about this show, but I might just have to check it out for the high stupidity factor alone.

  9. God, I hate the TV these days. It's all 'reality' shows that are so far from reality that you've got to imagine someone somewhere enjoying the irony.

  10. I hate all of those shows with equal vitriol. I haven't seen this one, but the one thing I do kind of like about it is all the pretty fat girls on TV. Sure, they're probably making idiots out of themselves and they're being patronized and used, but they're still pretty fat girls on TV, and that's something.

  11. This is why I don't watch TV. It's disgusting. This is also why I read your blog. You are fucking hilarious.

  12. A dating show that was sending the right message would be boring as fuck, and no one would watch it. I mean, it would basically be about men and women getting psychological help for thinking they should try to be something they aren't, for an in/de-flated sense of self, for stripping away unhealthy views about sex, for teaching people that liquid courage is a farce, and for convincing them that being alone is not wrong, and you don't need a relationship to be happy.

    Now, I just have to follow my own advice.

    Dammit, there I go again, talking too much.

  13. I wrote a post recently about how bad these shows are getting. I read an article about a new show that is supposed to show people getting laid off (on Fox, surprise!), and I thought, that is surely a recipe for mass murder. But it stops when people stop tuning in. And as a nation, we're a collection of idiots who eat this shit up.