Firstborn Survey AKA T.M.I.

Finally, something not about my surgery

Well this isn't technically a blog. It's a survey Kacey sent to me. But I had so much fun answering the questions - Perhaps too much fun- that it sort of morphed into a blog at points. And I think I need to post a blog right now that has absolutely nothing to do with sadness or negativity because someone told me lately that I'm never happy and always negative and that I am probably going to alienate people. Which of course I don't want to do. Because I like people. Mostly. And I hope that people like me mostly too, even when I'm having a time. Even when I'm distraught and making it known. Even when I have a bee in my bonnet for like 3 weeks straight. So without further adieu...Firstborn Survey

1. Were you married at the time?Hmmm ...I wasn't married when I got pregnant. I was married when I delivered.

2. What were your reactions? These questions are confusing. What were my reactions to finding out I was pregnant, or what were my reactions to labor, or what were my reactions to actually seeing Liv for the first time? Well, when I found out I was pregnant I was scared, excited, and also terrified to tell Todd as this was completely unplanned. I also was in complete disbelief. I actually called the pregnancy test people because I wasn't sure if the test was correct or not since one of the lines was like really blurry. As far as labor, well there was a whole gamut of reactions to that. At first I refused to believe I was actually in labor, because I was being induced that day and I thought what are the chances of that happening? This must all in my head, I assumed; but when I started bleeding and it started hurting like an absolute bitch, I knew the time had come. During labor I had the unique experience of being completely terrified that my husband had died. While I was screaming from the pain of contractions and the nursing staff was trying in vain to get a vein (hee! I love homonyms) for an IV so I could get some freaking pain medication, my husband starts to leave the room and right as he exits I hear a loud thud and then see just his head facing down on the ground surrounded by a pool of blood. My screams from labor pain started to mingle with screams of terror at thinking my husband just had a heart attack. I was so distraught that even my OB doctor came into the room to calm me down. I'm serious. You know I had to be freaking out pretty bad in order to see the actual doctor so early on. I mean a person is lucky to see an actual OB during the delivery of the baby. They are like these phantom people who can only materializes at moments when absolutely needed. But anyway Todd spent an hour in the ER getting 16 stitches. Not a thing was wrong with him except he was upset about watching them poke me with needles. This is a testament to why God is infinitely wise to have chosen woment to perform the horrible, but necessary task of bringing life into the world. Men have a hard enough time WATCHING the procedure. Anyway, after he was wheeled away, 1 bolus of nubain and an epidural later, I was sleeping peacefully for hours until my doctor decided to break my water manually and I actually FARTED. Like out loud, in front of a human man, who also happened to be a sexy "of Latin descent" doctor. I got to see the man like 3 times in my entire labor and once I was crying hysterically, the second time I farted, and the third time I had my belly ripped open with all my internal organs exposed including my intestines. So embarrassing. I cringe about it to this day. Anyway by the time they asked if I wanted a C Section I was just so relieved to know that the experience would soon be over and I wouldn't have to worry anymore about getting my vagina sliced open or pooping on the delivery table (issues that worried me more during that 10 months than anything else), so I signed the document with great eagerness. During my C-section I was exhausted, vomiting, and crying. After 18 hours of labor and then a C-Section, who could blame me, really? Seeing Liv for the first time was alarming because I wasn't quite prepared to see that much hair on top of a wrinkled prune face and blotchy slime covered body. But oh she was beautiful. And then I vomited again. Because childbirth is really magical that way. I realize that this is a lot of answer for one survey question. But what can I say? I'm prolific. And it is a loaded question. One just can't be succinct when talking about this experience. Not this one anyway.

3. How old were you? 30 (See, I am capable of being succinct when it's warranted)

4. How did you find out you were pregnant?home pregnancy test

5. Who did you tell first?my girlfriend tina. then todd.

6. Did u want to find out the sex? Is the Pope Catholic? Absolutely I did. I don't get the people who don't want to find out. Their thought processes are alien to me. To me it's the equivalent of having a present, a beautifully wrapped present with a big red perfectly tied bow, sitting on your lap and you refuse to open it yet because...because (and this is the reason everybody gives) you want to be surprised. I'm sure that there is something more deep behind the reason people want to wait. I've just never had a better explanation than "I want to be surprised". But the thing is, finding out the sex of your baby during the ultrasound is just as much of a surprise as any other time. And the best part of knowing the sex in advance is that you don't have to refer to your unborn child for your entire pregnancy as IT. Which, let's face it, is rather dehumanizing. Oh and also, I hate the fact that in this question the word "you" is abbreviated to "u". Is it really so hard to type out the whole word? I can see using the abbreviation when text messaging because its annoying hitting those little buttons on your phone. Otherwise, its just laziness really. Don't you agree? I love the internet more than anyone in the whole world. It is my best friend most days of the week. But I hate it for making this type of abbreviation acceptable in intelligent society. Well nobody's perfect I guess. Regardless, I know that you didn't originate the survey, Kacey, so this ire is NOT directed at you in any way, shape, or form. Okay?

7. Due date?September 1

8.Did you deliver early or late? On my due date...September 1, 2005 at 2:04 am. It is a rare occurrence to give birth on your due date. Only 5% of babies are born on their due date. I wanted Liv to be born in August...I was actually concerned about her having to wait to start kindergarten until she turned 6 because of the stupid rules they have about being 5 by sept 1. I don't know why I was so worried about something that wouldn't be happening for five years, but five years goes by pretty quickly and that's a whole extra year of paying for preschool. So it's an issue I'm still sort of worried about. I realize that they have to have rules and draw the line somewhere but she was born 2 hours after the typical cut off of August 31. AHHH! Don't get me started.

9. Did you have morning sickness? I had constant nausea from week 6 to the beginning of my 3rd trimester. Just like the books all said might happen. It was weird. Maybe I shouldn't have read the books, because maybe reading that part inadvertently caused me to get what I liked to call Morning, Noon & Night sickness. It was horrible and I was miserable, and if Todd didn't murder my ass during this time then I don't think he ever will. It makes me feel safe knowing that.

10. What did you crave? Pecan twirls. And some household cleaning products had such an odd allure to me...I wanted to smell things like bleach and windex. Obviously I didn't give in to that weirdness. But I read later that this isn't that uncommon so that makes me feel better. I also craved beer. But I resisted the urge to drink it because wine relaxes me more. And when your OB tells you that you are allowed to have 1 glass max per day, you're going to go for the one that gives you a better buzz glass for glass.

11. Who irritated you the most?Like Kacey said, people who would tell me that I had to be due any day now because I was absolutely HUGE. One word of advice to anyone planning on every interacting with any woman, pregnant or not, telling her she is HUGE is never complimentary and is risky business. Telling a woman she is huge is the equivalent of standing at the edge of a tiger pit and taunting them. And we all know how well that turned out for some unfortunate kids recently. Other people who irritated me? The ones who gave me dirty looks for drinking a cup of coffee in the morning. Or for taking a hit on my crack pipe in the afternoon. Okay that last one I'm totally making up, of course! But caffeine, people? Seriously. Get a grip on reality. A cup of coffee a day is not a serious health risk to an unborn baby. Crack is Whack, though. Totally NOT recommended during pregnancy. Or life for that matter.

12. What was your first child's sex? Girl. So happy to have a girl. I would have been happy with a boy too. But this way I didn't have too deal with the whole circumcision sore penis issue and also getting pee squirted in my face when changing diapers.

13. How many pounds did you gain throughout the pregnancy? 55. And it was because I ate a lot. I can't really blame that on the baby. She only weighed 8 lb 14 oz

14. Did you have any complications during pregnancy? Well, I wouldn't dilate beyond 8 cm so I wound up having a C-section. That's about the worst of it. Which is awesome.

15.Where did you give birth? Abington Memorial

16. How many hours were you in labor? From 6 am on a Wednesday morning until Thursday at 2am, when Liv was pulled from a hole in my stomach. So grateful for that sheet they hang up between your face and torso. I can just imagine how disgusting it would look.

17. Who drove you to the hospital?Todd

18.Who watched? No one but the doctor and staff watched Liv come out. They were worried about Todd passing out again so they made him sit in a chair next to my head. He never looked behind the sheet. I really can't blame him.

19. Was it natural or c-section?C-Section and epidural - about as far from natural as you can get. I think "natural" is over rated. I'm actually glad I didn't have to do the pushing thing either, to be honest. I was afraid of that and so exhausted after all the laboring (which basically consisted of laying around all day - but still I was so tired. My eyeballs were tired. My toes were tired. You get the point)
20. Did you, take medicine to ease the pain? Why on earth would I want to suffer? And for what purpose? What does it prove? I mean if that is what a person chooses to do, have their child and deal with unspeakable pain, then that is certainly their choice and I respect that. I mean that is a lot of pain to suffer through, so more power to you. But I just get annoyed when mothers who do that get all vocal about how horrible women are who get epidurals. And who also talk as if their method of childbirth is somehow superior and more loving to their children then mothers who choose to have pain relief. Millions of mothers opt for pain relief during pregnancy and it is proven over and over and over to have zero negative effect on infants. If you opt to have your baby without drugs, good for you for having that kind of strength. But, I'm sorry, it doesn't make you a hero. It makes you a person I am in awe of and can't believe you can still be normal after experiencing that kind of trauma.

21. How much did your child weigh? 8 pounds 14 oz, she looked huge to me. I remember thinking, aren't babies supposed to look teeny weeny?

22. Did your child have any complications? Other than the fact that she only slept about 2 hours a day for the first 3 months of her life and would only nurse on my right nipple...no. But if she did have any more complications than that I doubt I would want to commemorate them on a survey. 23.What did you name him/her? Olivia June. June for my grandmother who passed away when I was pregnant with her.

24. How old is your first born today? 2

25. Anything else important about the day your first was born? That was during the Hurricane Katrina disaster. I remember watching the footage in the hospital and thinking that it was so sad that I was going through this happy event and all these people were suffering so much. It still gives me chills to think about that.Feel free to fill this out and send to me in an email. I'd love to read your answers!