Monday, September 21, 2009

Fun with Names

Choosing names for the aliens is not easy. I have 5 months (hopefully) to work on this but it really is an important decision. I still haven't found out the genders, so I'm considering multiple options for each sex. I'm going to throw some names out there and get your opinion on some of these.

I noticed how many people are naming their daughters boy names these days. Ryan, Evan, Charlie, Tristan, Drew. So I thought - why not Richard? I could spell it Rychard. The Y makes it feminine, don't you think? Y is really a magical letter. It can change any boy name into a girl one. Bruce turns into Bryuce (the Y is silent). Michael turns into Mychael. Stephen turns into Stephyn. Of course, I could just do it the old-fashioned way with this one and call her Stephanie. But who wants to be traditional? I want my daughter to be Uneeeeeek. I mean, if I give her a normal name how will she know that she is special and different than everyone else?

Another name I was considering for a girl was Lillith. But it's just too common. So I wanted to make it different. Y to the rescue! Lyllyth. Now its a totally different name! Lylly for short. Lily is getting too popular. But Lylly will surely set her apart from any Lilys running around the playground.

Now for possible boy names. I noticed names like Gunner and Hunter are fairly popular. What about Killer? Murderer has a great sound to it but it's too long and I can't think of any good nicknames for it. Can you? Another one I'm thinking about is Bladen. At first I wanted just Blade. But Bladen is so uneeek.

A lot of people I know have given their sons a surname for a first name. What a cool idea! I mean, who needs a first name when you can have two last names? Carter, Walker, Cooper, Sawyer. These are all great but just way too popular. What about Zakowski? It's not a family name or anything. I'm not even Polish. I just think it sounds cool. We could call him Zak for short.

Oh sweet Jesus, I can't do this anymore. I'm actually in physical pain after writing that. You want to know what the truly scary thing is? If you go to any number of baby name forums on the internet you will find the same kind of pathological reasonings as would be mothers contemplate and decide on names for their offspring. I'm terrified after reading some of that shit. Can we, as a culture, band together and stop trying to be unique when naming our children? These are not housecats or hamsters we're naming. They're human beings who will one day grow up and have to live in the world with these monikers we've so lovingly and thoughtfully bestowed upon them. These names will be on test papers and ballots and driver's licenses and resumes. Your 5 year old little girl named McKadylynn is adorable now, but what about when she grows up? Can you picture a federal judge with this monstrosity for a name? I don't even want to think about a future where that happens.


  1. What about Thor? I've always been partial to Thor... think about it: when he's a 20-something frat boy he can hit on girls, offering them a chance at "Thor's Hammer".

  2. Naming children is such a hilarious concept.

    There was the Irish Rogue phase, where all the kids were named Aidan and anything that rhymes with it. The next big one is British Monarchs: Henry, Edward. You can see it forming in peoples brains when you check out character names on TV.

    Of course, everyone says they always liked those names, even before they were popular. What pop culture bullshit came out years ago that led all of us to simultaneously think of those names for children?

    My children will be Atticus and Yossarian, that way, one is destined to be a hero and the other crazy. Or I could just get two dogs. I'm torn.

    SciFi: I have a friend who's last name is Thor. No joke. And he's in a fraternity, and while he was pledging his frat brothers made him carry around a sledgehammer for a month.


    Also you know what's great? Adding Rose to any name.
    Gwendolyn Rose,
    Petra Rose
    Magnus Rose
    Georgia Rose
    Rassles Rose
    Scifidad Rose

  4. Ack.. It is the same down here in Aus. I know a woman who called her daughter Shaneekwa.. And another couple who called their daughter Satanica. Two small boys called Blade and Titan make me wonder if they are destined for a career in Wrestling. *sigh*

  5. When we were picking names we tried to predict schoolyard teasing. So, like Richard - no chance because Dick. Too easy. Too predictable. I nixed 'Elliot' because of E.T. And so on. I wanted to do my kid a favour and spare him so pre-teen torture.

  6. ha ha ha ha! I can't stand it when I meet someone with a name that someone obviously thought waaaaaaay to long about! My own first name is that way. Difficult to spell and for some to even say. I'm glad I've gone by a nickname most of my life.

  7. I have some suggestions for you based on what some of my favorite celebrities have named their children:

    Kumquat (Gwynneth Paltrow)
    Flight Attendant (Jason Lee)
    Helicopter (John Travolta)

    Oh, I could go on, but they are such easy targets.

    And again, for the record, I named my son Aidan because his father WAS an Irish Rogue and it is a family name over in Ireland.

  8. I could tell you tales. I work in a city school, we see many many odd names, odd spellings of names, unfortunate names, bizarre names. Oy.

  9. If you get all cutesy and name them something like Ann and Andy, I'm calling CPS.

  10. McKadylyn. Oh my that had me laughing.

    The opposite happens here in Spain. Every fucking person I know is either named Maria or Jose. And I just do not get the thought process.

    "Oh, honey, I really like Maria. It'll just set her apart from all the rest."

    The worst is when the name the boy Jose Maria, cause they just can't let go of naming someone Maria. Or they name the girl Maria Jose.

    This country is fucked.

  11. Amusing. I happen to know three Thor's, one Atticus, one Solon, and a girl I had a crush on in high school was named Kevin. I knew a Takia Leigh. I even knew a girl who enlisted in the navy who's last name was "Swallow"... Think about it.

    After all of that, I can assure you that the definitive female form of Bruce is Brucee, like Jackee.

  12. McKadylynn! AWESOME!

    Yeah, think of all the Kaylas in the world that we can blame on Days of Our Lives. This stuff is totally shaped by pop culture. If you look at the top 10 names for the top 10% of earners this year, you'll have the top 10 names for the general population 5 years from now. I don't remember if I read that in an analysis of baby names or Freakonomics or where now... but I'm not taking credit for the original idea.

  13. I vow to take any child named Lucinda to Paris when they're old enough to drink.

  14. There is actually a Thor in my daughter's class. Can you imagine Thor's girlfriend as he gets into highschool, "Yeah, I went out with Thor last night and he banged me hard and now I am so Thor."

    I love Murderer that would be my top pick, nickname, Murdie so if he's a good lookin' boy, they can call him Purdie Murdie.

    Ok, I'll stop now.

    My youngest daughter's middle name is Harper after Nell Harper Lee who wrote To Kill a Mockingbird, still my all time visceral favorite. I know, I know, dorky and borderline pretentious but I thought Harper would make a good supreme court justice.

  15. My son's name is Bladen and I am highly offended by your mocking of such a strong, masculine name!

    Terrible. Isn't what sparked this whole conversation between us the fact that Nicole Richie named her poor child Sparrow? Awful. I have to say, kudos to Sarah Michelle Gellar! She named her daughter Charlotte Grace. Not bad for a celebrity. I think Grace is a very beautiful name although I'm a little on the fence about Charlotte.

  16. Where are you? You are missed.

  17. Hey Rassles! Thanks for missing me. I'm going to get back to my blog in the next week or so :) I miss you too!

  18. Reminds me of that commercial for Couples Retreat: "Stanley with a C."

  19. What Rassles said!!!!!

  20. How about Margaret Rose?

    Kidding. Luke and Bo, Abbot and Costello, Mike and Ike (seriously, you could do Michael and Isaac. That would be hilarious) or if they are fraternal, Britney and Kevin. Two boys could be Harry and Larry or girls could be Sandy and Mandy.

    Me? I'm longing for my little Daisy. I've always wanted a girl named that. Or Zinnia, one of the two.

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